"Servant Boy"

My Saturday evenings used to be filled with too many drinks, and way way too much fun.  However, as I have gotten older they seem to be filled with no drinks, and a different kind of fun.

The last two weeks I have been re-reading one of my favorite books (I only get to read when my daughter is napping).  The book literally makes you believe that you are a fly on the wall in the French court during the reign of King Henri II.  As I got closer to the end of the book, I found myself wanting desperately to find a book just as good for when I finished it.

So there I was with 3 browsers open.  One for my librarything account with book recommendations, the second to get the best deals on the recommended books off of ebay, and the third to Wikipedia researching everyone from that time in the French court.  I am a little bit obsessed I guess.  I usually find myself reading about King Henry VIII, but this book has captivated my attention once again.

Then I get the idea that maybe, just maybe, I could have (way way way down the line) been linked to one of these greats perhaps...so this Saturday evening I have been looking into my own past, which thanks to my moms research, have found our lineage all the way back to England in the 1560's.  Which, I believe, was during Queen Elizabeth I reign.  Another interesting character.

I had already made up my mind at this point that I am definitely royalty of course.  I just knew there would be a direct line all the way up to the Tudors/Valois somehow, it had to be!!  Well, when I finally found the man who first made his way to America from England, I saw his name John, and in quotations beside his name were the words I had dreaded to see...'servant boy'.  So in reality, I am related to John 'Servant Boy'.  I am sure he was a nice man.

So unfortunately my days of daydreaming about courtly affairs will have to remain on the pages of my books for now.  I haven't even scratched the surface yet, I just followed one man out of many.

I did learn something I found to be pretty interesting about my grandma though.  Apparently she wrote a gossip column in the 1930's and was a certified welder during WWII.  

Hospital Food

About 8 months ago I tried a recipe called Ricotta Spinach Rollatini which was made by Giada.  It looked so easy and so good while I was watching the show, so I decided to give it a try.  It called for prosciutto which I had to go to the store to buy and was the only thing I didn't have that I needed...I thought.

If you have never used prosciutto...I wouldn't recommend it.  It comes in really really really thin slices that you have to peel off a piece of plastic, and by the time you get it all peeled off, it is like a sticky ball of goo sitting there on the plate.  The directions tell you to slice it and dice it, which wasn't working out for me.  It was a sticky pile of goo that I tried to pry apart and mix in the filling one slice at a time.

I finally moved on to the next section which was rolling out the pasta dough, filling it with the filling, jelly rolling, and pinching the ends.  Then I remembered that I was supposed to have cheesecloth and twine (which I did NOT have)...oh crap!!!

I ran and got my laptop and looked up substitutions for cheesecloth and found that you could use gauze.  So I ran to the bathroom where I found a package of SMALL gauze patches...the pasta rolls are not small.  I opened the package and thought that if I unfolded them (and took the weird paper out from between) then it made about a 4"by 6" strip.  I figured if I used two for each it would be perfect.

I didn't have twine, so I decided I would substitute heavy cotton thread.  Lets just say that I was cussing a blue streak by the time I got the thread around them because white gauze and white thread makes for a bad eye strain.  Not to mention the two gauze strips were not big enough causing the middle to be exposed!!  I ended up having gauze, which I wrapped in coffee filters, which I wrapped with thread.  It looked like a leg that I had severed with the thread.

While they were boiling I noticed a kind of hospital smell which I hoped nobody else noticed, because by God that is what was for dinner after the trouble it caused me!!!!  Once it boiled for 20 minutes I took them out and immediately took the wrappings off my mangled pasta rolls.

I was so grossed out by the medical smell and the severed leg thought in my mind that I could only eat a couple.  Everyone else who ate them thought they were great...hehe, little did they know.  I was literally in the kitchen for two hours!! I am a quick or easy kind of gal. I have actually made it a couple more times but only used coffee filters and it turns out fine.  Give it a try!!

I Now Pronounce You...Um...Hello!?

Well, the job I applied for I found out that they had someone already in mind, aka- not me.  If places already have someone in mind, they shouldn't have to post it and make everyone who applied for it think they stand a chance.  I can't believe how bad the job market is!! INSANITY!! I did, however, apply for a different job since then.  I am really hoping that I get it.

I faxed my application, cover letter, and resume last Tuesday and they called within hours for me to go take a typing test.  Since the job closed the following day, I had to high tail it to a town near where I live to take it so that I could get it faxed in time.  I LOVE to brag since there isn't many opportunities for me to do so, I did pretty well.  It must be all my facebooking and blogging!!  So cross your fingers!!

You know I have to post something funny on all of my posts, so here is my funny story for today.  I went with my mom to the court house this week.  We had business that was in the same office as the marriage licenses area.  It is a tiny waiting room so you could hear a pin drop.  There was us (there to get my mom a passport), and a couple in their 50's applying for a marriage license. 

The clerk was working on the couples paperwork so we just had a seat to wait our turn.  I hear the man ask the woman, "is there anything that you want to tell me that I would want to know before we do this"?  So there I was, trying hard to look like I wasn't listening in...like you could keep from it, and thinking to myself (Oh crap! This could get ugly).  The woman says something to the effect that she was born a man, obviously kidding by the way.

The man proceeds to get up and wait in the hallway because apparently it pissed him off for some odd reason.  When the clerk called them up I guess the lady was under the impression that once they got the marriage license then they were automatically married.  So she totally freaks and has to sit down.  Then they decide to have a discussion in the hallway where the man is throwing all of is paperwork everywhere out of complete rage.  When they came back in, they went up to the clerk, asked for their drivers licenses, and said never mind!!  AWKWARD!!!  I mean, call me crazy but don't you have all your kinks worked out before you get to that point? 

Now I have a gross story!!!  I went to the farmers market a couple of weeks ago.  A good friend of mine has been trying to get me to try this organic hamburger meat (which by the way is excellent) and while there I decided to pick up a few other items to try.  I bought cheese, tomatoes, and pickles.  I love pickles!!  The first thing I did was eat a pickle when I got home.  I liked it so much that I diced up three of them and made some potato salad. 

The following day for lunch I was going to enjoy one of those delicious pickles again.  I opened the jar, got the tastiest looking pickle out, and noticed a pickle that appeared to still have the 'stem' on it hiding in the middle.  Upon further investigation I noticed that the 'stem' was a big huge pickled roach!!!!!  AAAAAHHHH!! Are you serious!!!!  That is a little too organic for me!!  I may never freaking eat pickles again!!!

A Farewell to Pants

Well it is official, I am never going to get the body I used to have back. 

I went to the doctor last week and was excited to know that I was within 15 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight again...okay, so it was 17 but who's counting!!  I couldn't wait to go get some of my pre-pregnancy jeans and try them on to see if I could get this butt back into them.  I don't know what I was thinking.

So after several moments of huffing and puffing, and sucking in and cutting off circulation, I finally forced the zipper up on them.  When I finally gathered the courage to let out my breath I was greeted in the mirror by a mom who's pants were obviously too tight and had a severe muffin top to boot.  I decided to do my regular routine of doing some squatting to stretch them out a bit.  When I went to do my first squat there was in instant breeze in the back where the damn whole butt ripped out of them!!  I guess I can honestly say that I will never be able to wear my pre-pregnancy jeans again. 

Hodge Podge

I can't believe it!!  I actually have the entire house all to myself today, and wouldn't you know it there isn't a damn thing on TV.  So here I am, halfway watching To Kill a King.

Last week I gave my daughter a bath, and I always let her run around naked for a few minutes to air out her bottom.  I walked not even 5 feet to throw her towel in the basket and when I turned around I noticed her squatting to pick something up.  Once I got a little bit closer I noticed 4 balls of poop on the ground below her, and two in her hand!  I got to her just in time to stop her from sampling the new weird things that she found.  I can't get her to eat good wholesome food, but she was willing to try a bite of poop!!  Ah well, what can you do??

The job I applied for closes tomorrow.  I hope I get an interview!!  The only bad thing is I have terrible interview skills.  I have been known to make a complete idiot out of myself in interviews.  I think the worst one I did years ago was the guy asked me what I wanted out of the job, and I replied with, "I just want a job where I can kick back and relax and answer a couple of calls"...yea, I know!!  I was thinking 'what the hell are you saying!!!' as those words came out of my mouth.  Needless to say, I did not get a call from him.  If there is a window in there I can't help but stare out of it, I am bad with eye contact, I slouch, and I think my biggest problem is I try to be aware of all of these things and it makes me double nervous.  So wish me luck because I really need it.

I came to the realization the other day that I have been smoking for nearly 20 years...wow, I can hardly believe it.  Not something I am proud to admit.  I started smoking when I was 13 and I am now 33.  I have quit several times which would equal around 2 years.  So just to make myself feel better about it, I went and bought some tips called tar blockers.  I have got to quit!!!  I don't understand why I can't just get rid of those stinking things!  I don't want my daughter to ever remember seeing me with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

What's Yours?

I usually say every year that I am going to quit smoking to ring in the new year.  I am taking a whole new approach this time around since that one never works.  I am going to become more organized in my life.  When I say organized, I mean less lazy.  They kind of go hand and hand in my case...let me explain.

Anyone who knows me well knows that my car looks like an episode of extreme hoarders.  I am talking clothes, shoes, needless paperwork, flip flops, toys, any and everything besides food (unless my daughter accidentally dropped a cracker back there) that you can imagine.  Mostly I leave it because I am so unorganized that I don't know where to put it once I get off my lazy butt to extend my hand and grab it.  My purse looks the same way, except I am sure there is a broken cracker in the bottom.  I am cleaning them both out TODAY!! 

I still have some unwanted poundage that I am needing to get rid of.  I would love to blame it on my daughter (or pregnancy) however, she is over a year old now and I gained most of it after she was already born.  I would be happy with the weight if I could just tone what I have.  I have always been pretty thin, but I have a short torso and long skinny legs so I have never felt thin.

Reality-I will never have the long beautiful waist I have always wanted, so I am going to accept that and try and make what I do have look as good as possible.  How you ask?  The good old fashioned way.  I have been thinking about the elliptical machine that lies dormant in the bedroom for a couple of days now.  Today I put on my shoes and socks, turned on my MP3 player, and hopped on that sucker!  I only made it through one song, but it was a damn good song.  Tomorrow I plan on listening to two!!!

I smile a lot!! As a result, time is beginning to peek its ugly head.  I am noticing crows feet, laugh/smile lines, even my dimple has turned into a wrinkle!!  Damn you the unavoidable!!!   I usually freak out about it every time I look into the mirror, but I am going to age like it or not.  Instead of freaking out about it, I am going to get botox and restylane..just kidding, I am going to accept it and be happy.

Oh, and something I not going to do is decide to color my own hair!  I haven't done that since high school, and won't be doing it again.  My roots were beginning to look pretty ragged so I decided to take matters into my own hands by getting a box of hair dye and doing it myself (instead of paying someone 60 bucks).  Lets just say bad idea.  It was called warm honey brown, but turned out to be dark chestnut!! 

So here's to being less lazy and more organized!!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!  This one is going to be better!!

Dirty Birdie

I decided this year to host Thanksgiving at my house.  I think I was able to pull it off pretty well, or at least there was no complaints.  I have never cooked the turkey before because I never wanted to deal with  'the bag' and the other nastiness found inside the bird.  This year nobody was around to remove 'the bag' and other innards so I had to do so myself...what an experience I had.  I also had not one but two turkeys to prepare.

First off, I hate dealing with raw poultry because for some reason it always grosses me out to touch it.  So I unwrapped the turkeys and noticed a plastic thing around the legs that I wasn't sure if it was supposed to stay.  I ended up deciding that it was supposed to be removed and yanked on it for what seemed like 10 minutes. Then it was time for the dreaded looking down the turkey's butt for removal of nasty objects.  Like I said, it was still frozen and I saw what appeared to be a huge grey... lets just say it looked like part of the male anatomy...aka the neck.

I ran cold water in the 'cavity' to help thaw it so that I could get that thing out of there.  I almost had to physically put my foot on the turkey to get some leverage and pull it out, but I opted to use every muscle in my body to loosen and yank it out of there. I swear to you it took me 30 minutes to do this. Once out, I didn't see the dreaded bag of guts anywhere!!!  I knew it had to be in there somewhere so I turned it around so I could dig in the front of the bird.  Why don't they put the neck in the neck part, and the guts in its butt??  Oh well, it wouldn't make the experience any better I guess.

I finally found it and tossed it and the penis, I mean neck, in the trash immediately!!  I had two turkey's, so it was time for round two.  This one was even more frozen than the first one, but alas I finally managed to get both turkey's ready for the roaster after at least an hour of manhandling the disgusting things.  I don't even eat turkey!!  Whoa is me!

I decided to stay up late so that I could put them in the roaster and let them cook all night.  Would you believe that after all of that I forgot to turn the damn roaster on!!!!  I knew instantly when I woke up and didn't smell turkey something had gone terribly wrong.  I literally stepped out of bed and grabbed the phone book to see if there was anyone who had some already cooked turkey's for sale.  Thankfully there was a place right around the corner who still had 4. We made it just in time to get the last two remaining turkey's!!!!

Other than me putting too much sage in the dressing, and the turkey debacle, it went pretty well.  I will remember to turn the roaster on for Christmas by God!!  I hope someone is around to do the dirty work for me for crying out loud!!