Dirty Birdie

I decided this year to host Thanksgiving at my house.  I think I was able to pull it off pretty well, or at least there was no complaints.  I have never cooked the turkey before because I never wanted to deal with  'the bag' and the other nastiness found inside the bird.  This year nobody was around to remove 'the bag' and other innards so I had to do so myself...what an experience I had.  I also had not one but two turkeys to prepare.

First off, I hate dealing with raw poultry because for some reason it always grosses me out to touch it.  So I unwrapped the turkeys and noticed a plastic thing around the legs that I wasn't sure if it was supposed to stay.  I ended up deciding that it was supposed to be removed and yanked on it for what seemed like 10 minutes. Then it was time for the dreaded looking down the turkey's butt for removal of nasty objects.  Like I said, it was still frozen and I saw what appeared to be a huge grey... lets just say it looked like part of the male anatomy...aka the neck.

I ran cold water in the 'cavity' to help thaw it so that I could get that thing out of there.  I almost had to physically put my foot on the turkey to get some leverage and pull it out, but I opted to use every muscle in my body to loosen and yank it out of there. I swear to you it took me 30 minutes to do this. Once out, I didn't see the dreaded bag of guts anywhere!!!  I knew it had to be in there somewhere so I turned it around so I could dig in the front of the bird.  Why don't they put the neck in the neck part, and the guts in its butt??  Oh well, it wouldn't make the experience any better I guess.

I finally found it and tossed it and the penis, I mean neck, in the trash immediately!!  I had two turkey's, so it was time for round two.  This one was even more frozen than the first one, but alas I finally managed to get both turkey's ready for the roaster after at least an hour of manhandling the disgusting things.  I don't even eat turkey!!  Whoa is me!

I decided to stay up late so that I could put them in the roaster and let them cook all night.  Would you believe that after all of that I forgot to turn the damn roaster on!!!!  I knew instantly when I woke up and didn't smell turkey something had gone terribly wrong.  I literally stepped out of bed and grabbed the phone book to see if there was anyone who had some already cooked turkey's for sale.  Thankfully there was a place right around the corner who still had 4. We made it just in time to get the last two remaining turkey's!!!!

Other than me putting too much sage in the dressing, and the turkey debacle, it went pretty well.  I will remember to turn the roaster on for Christmas by God!!  I hope someone is around to do the dirty work for me for crying out loud!!